Goodbye Beer

I like beer.

Like many of my contemporaries, I do enjoy a cold one. Or a room temperature one like the Europeans. I like a nice, bitter beer with a yeasty nose and a hoppy finish.

Do I make it sound fancy?  I sure hope so.  Like my other good friend bacon craft beer has been enjoying recent fame and fortune. Here in Texas, the India Pale Ale is king among the crafties. I think this is probably just because it is the nastiest, bitterest beer known to man. When you take a swig, you can hear the “plink plink plink” of hairs popping out on your chest. You can hear the “beeeyouwip! of your new mustache growing in. Yes, it is grand! Oh beer how I love thee!

…and that is why we must part

So I’m going to stop having evening beers. Don’t get me wrong now, I’m not a lush. I really only drink a beer or two and that’s at night when I’m watching TV or doing homework or blogging or putting minis together. And apparently if you decide to co-sleep with your baby, this is when you should not have beer.

Co-Sleeping

I’d never heard of this until recently. I mean, I never realized it was a thing. And apparently it is not only a thing, it is a controversial thing. And that’s like, my favorite kind of thing!

A few of you may be asking: what is co-sleeping? Simply put, it is sleeping with your baby in bed with you. Now I can hear you murmuring that it sounds hazardous and blahdy-blah and yeah for sure – that’s why it’s controversial. For our little guy we got a bassinet thingy that goes in the bed with us to keep us from rolling over onto him. Now that I have typed that it sounds really awful. But all the research we have done indicates that co-sleeping has the same risk level as crib-sleeping unless the parents are overweight (see my last post regarding the Bacon Diet,) on drugs or sleep aids, or – you guessed it – drunk.

“But you don’t get drunk!

That’s right friends. But the wife read something about ‘even one beer. . .’ and the rest is pretty much history. Sure I could probably complain and argue about it but there’s really no point. Anyway, it’s a good excuse to stop cramming liquid carbohydrates down my face right before bed. I’ll probably lose this last little belly pudge. I’ll have to get up to pee less. Oh – and I won’t worry as much about rolling over onto our kid.

“But will you still be a true Bro?

Of course I will? This is one of those Dadhood vs Nerdhood issues. I am a beer nerd. It’s another of my hobbies. It is a delicious treat to be enjoyed. But having a kid means it is another aspect of my nerdity which will have to be abandoned. I have to wonder if this is how all my favorite things will be systematically eliminated like my friends have told me. How many other pleasureful activities must be removed from my life? Is my nerdhood crashing down around me? Or will beer be something to be sipped at bounce-house birthday parties? I suppose only time will tell.

Stay tuned, SuperPals!

Steven Long

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